"Polyester Whats?"

It has recently come to my attention that not everybody is a tie-obsessed freak like me.  So, they don't know exactly what I mean by a "polyester paisley".  This is my attempt to explain.  The polyester paisley is like the filet mignon of ties, it's simply the best type of tie around.  That is, to anyone who really knows ties.
     Polyester is a fabric that is known for its durability, especially in ties.  You can tie it in any knot you want, it is weather resistant, and you can even wash it!  That last feature is especially useful if you have problems getting food from your plate to your mouth without incident, which I do.
A beautiful example of a polyester paisley, if I do say so myself.
Paisley is the name of a particular pattern.  Really, the only way to describe it is a mixture between a flower bed and a fireball.  It's really hard to explain, so I'll post a picture.  It's very attention-grabbing.  If you are wearing a paisley tie, people know.
     Now, if I may make a Gospel comparison (which I may, considering it's my purpose to write about the Gospel), we should all be like the polyester paisley.  We should allow the Lord to shape us into anything that He wants us to be.  We should be able to weather all the storms of life, and resist the buffetings of Satan as he sends forth his "shafts in the whirlwind" (Helaman 5:12).  We should take the initiative to have all of the stains of this world washed away by the Master Cleanser, Jesus Christ, through repentance and baptism.  And we need to have the humility to do so.  In addition, we can't just blend into the background as followers of Christ.  We need to stand out as "witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that [we] may be in,"(Mosiah 18:9) no matter what.  Just as a sweet paisley tie stands out against a white shirt, so we can stand out from all the evil in the world and shine forth!  I encourage you all to follow the example of the humble polyester paisley, and the example of the Lord Jesus Christ.  You won't regret it.

-Elder Sharples